Metaphors and Similes

Writing advice tends to vary on the use of metaphors and similes in novel writing, so I'll tell you my ideas on what works.

In my opinion, metaphors and similes should be used to help clarify a description rather than to impress your readers. If you're doing it just to impress your readers, it'll be noticeable and I'm betting most of your readers won't be impressed or will find the language distracting since they have to stop to figure out what you mean.

However, metaphors and similes can be useful if you're writing something that:

1) transcends what plain language can convey (like in a romance...as a poor example, "At his hurtful words, she felt like the rose she so cherished had wilted.")

2) can more quickly convey an image than plain language can (perhaps like in a mystery; "The body lay like a puppet tossed aside into the corner.")

3) does not exist in reality (like in speculative fiction; "The pixie looked like a flame of light until it got closer.").

If you're going to use figurative language, make sure it adds something to the reader's understanding. "The fan wobbled like a drunken sailor" just stops me cold as I try to figure out how a fan can wobble in a way resembling a drunken sailor and why this exact type of wobbling is important to my understanding of the story. "The fan wobbled" conveys the same image more quickly.

Good luck.

What to Describe

Writing advise abounds on how to appropriately describe a character, object, or setting, so how do I go about it?

1) Describe first what the character would notice first. For example, gender, skin color, hair color, and physical build comes before the faint scar over the eye or the eye color (which the character might never be close enough or have any reason to notice). Also, a foreigner might first notice skin color while a native might never consciously notice it.

A long physical description can slow down the story, however, and a police-report description is usually not needed. So, how do I choose what description to include?

2) Base the description length on how important the person, object, or setting is.

3) Describe what is unique.

For example, if I'm describing a spear, I really don't have to say much. Most readers already know what a spear is and can imagine it based purely on the word "spear." If the spear is important, though, I might describe something unique about it: a scrap of blue cloth tied just below the iron head.

Don't just give information but use the description to tell the reader something about the character. Which sentence gives a more unique and interesting description of this minor character?

The sight of a short, plump woman wearing a dress and a hat distracted Randy from what his friend was saying.

or

The sight of a short woman wearing a tall hat topped with an ostrich plume distracted Randy from what his friend was saying.

I'm guessing you agree the second description is more interesting.

4) Be specific.

Instead of saying "the woman handed him a drink" be specific and say, "The waitress handed him a tall glass of water." Using specific nouns instead of general ones allows the reader create a vivid image in his head and reveals more about the characters.

So my advice is to keep focused on what your description is supposed to accomplish rather than coming up with long police-report descriptions.

A Deeper Problem

The other day, someone in my writer's workshop made the comment that he liked to write his short stories in present tense because they gave the story a sense of urgency the story lacked in past tense.

(For those who do know, this means he wrote the story like "He runs to the car door and yanks it open. 'Get out," he shouts at the driver" instead of the more traditional "He ran to the car door and yanked it open. "Get out," he shouted at the driver.")

Except, his story still lacked tension (which he obviously sensed) and changing to present tense didn't fix that. What he really needed to do was fix the story by adding tension, not try to artificially increase tension by telling the story in present tense.

I've heard a lot of writers say that they write in first person (i.e. "I went to the store") rather than third person (i.e. "She went to the store") because it allows the reader to get inside the character's head in a way that third person doesn't allow. Except, that's not true. Both styles can allow the reader deeply into the character's viewpoint.

For example:

Mandy was going to be late for the party, and Shelly would never forgive her. She looked down the dark, creepy alley knowing that it was the only route that would get her there in time. She hesitantly stepped into the alley. Something rattled further in. She jumped backward and smacked into something tall and firm.

versus

I was going to be late for the party, and Shelly would never forgive me. I looked down the dark, creepy alley knowing that it was the only route that would get me there in time. I hesitantly stepped into the alley. Something rattled further in. I jumped backward and smacked into something tall and firm.


If you just like writing in present tense or first person, that's fine. However, if you write that way in hopes of fixing a problem with your manuscript, let me warn you that the problem probably still exists. Look deeper and fix the problem instead of just trying to hide it.

Motivation

I am reading a book where the author doesn't take full advantage of showing what's going on in the main character's head and so some of his actions seem abrupt and out-of-character. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Sarah stomped up to Rebekah, who was smiling and holding another book clutched against her chest. Sarah scowled and threw the current book Rebekah had loaned her to the ground. "This book was horrible. I swear, I'll never read another book by that author. In fact, you couldn't pay me enough to read another one!"

Rebekah said hesitantly, "Oh, I'm sorry. I brought the next book in the series with me, but I guess you don't want it."

Sarah felt a surge of anger. "Of course I want it. The book's right here, so of course I'll read it."

You're left wondering why Sarah suddenly changed her mind and why she's reacting so strongly. Or, if you're like me, you're feeling a little wary of Sarah and wondering if she's insane. ;)

I expect the author knows a perfectly sensible reason why her main character acted the way she did but forgot to let the readers into his head so we also know. Here's an example of how adding motivation can help make an about-face scene like this make sense:

Sarah stomped up to Rebekah, who was smiling and holding another book clutched against her chest. Sarah scowled. She'd rather liked the book Rebekah had just loaned her, but she didn't like how her friend was getting into the habit of forcing books on her and she wasn't going to allow it to happen again.

She threw her book to the ground. "This book was horrible. I swear, I'll never read another book by that author. In fact, you couldn't pay me enough to read another one!"

Rebekah said hesitantly, "Oh, I'm sorry. I brought the next book in the series with me, but I guess you don't want it."

Sarah felt a surge of anger at Rebekah for picking this moment to finally bring a book she did want to read. "Of course I want it. The book's right here, so of course I'll read it."

Sarah's still not a very nice character, but at least we understand why she's acting the way she is. So, authors, be careful not to throw an unexpected emotional reaction at the reader. Make sure to get into the character's head and explain why they felt that way so the emotional reaction makes sense.

Writing Tidbits #10

Creating Tension

Since, in the majority of books, the hero(ine) of the book does win in the end against all odds, how can the author make the reader worry the hero(ine) might not succeed?

The most common tactic is to have the hero try to solve the problem and fail, then try something else to solve the problem and fail, and finally try a last solution and succeed.

Here are some other examples of how to do it. (While I'm generally using fantasy set-ups as examples, the underlying principles can be used in other genre.)

1) Hero Todd loses a sword match against his friend Nate. Later, Nate fights against Villain Harod. Harod defeats/kills Nate. Todd vows to kill Harod in revenge, but he wonders how he can since Nate (who was a better fighter) failed.

As in, have A lose against B in getting the girl, solving the mystery, winning the fight. Have B lose against C in the same sort of activity. Finally, pit A against C, let A have a few doubts about his ability to win, and the reader will feel uncertain, too. The solution may be that A uses a different method to fight than B did (as in, using his brains instead of a sword or listening to the girl's dreams instead of buying expensive gifts).

2) This is based on a book I recently read. Each of the main characters are given a cryptic, personalized prophesy of what to avoid doing (like "don't kill a crow"). If they do this action, they will die within a few hours. One by one, these characters accidently do the very thing they were warned against--usually because they didn't realize the danger until the action was already taken--and each dies. Our hero is then given his death-prophecy. Will he recognize the danger in time to avoid his fate?

Here we have several people failing at the same task our hero is given. He may succeed at anything he puts his hand to, but this side danger might easily kill him before his main objective is complete.

3) Our hero can succeed alone against any odds, but he has to protect someone he cares about and/or is important to his ultimate success. This character is usually a child, though in the past it was often 'the helpless female.' The tension comes with the question "can the hero keep this other character alive?"

4) Again, our hero can protect himself just fine, but he needs the help of several other characters to ultimately win the day. (The characters may bring specialized knowledge or skills or they may be leaders of troops that are needed or whatever.) We don't doubt the hero can win his fight, but his bad temper alienates the others he needs or someone is trying (and maybe succeeding) in killing these other characters or they aren't convinced that there is a danger or that the hero's scheme is the right one. Now you have tension.

Writing Tidbits #9

Show the Action!

Watch out for the talking-head syndrome. In some books, the characters sit around planning future actions (battles, research, discoveries, etc.), then the next scene occurs after the fact and has those people (or others) standing around talking about how that action went. Don't wimp out: show the action happening instead of giving the reader a news report about it! It's a lot more interesting.

Sometimes "news reports" are necessary, but beware. A book with too many of these talking-head scenes may have the illusion of things happening, but nothing actually does.

Writing Tidbit #8

Tension & Pacing

If someone or something is threatening your point-of-view character's life, don't spend time describing her surroundings in great detail. First, it will drastically decrease the tension and slow the pacing when it needs to be fast. Second, a threatened person doesn't pay attention to their surroundings (except for people who may help, for escape routes, or for potential weapons) because their attention is on the danger and how to deal with that danger.

Also, use short or shorter sentences to help increase the feeling of tension. Longer sentences take longer for the reader to process, so they slow the pace and dilute the feeling of danger.

Writing Tidbit #7

Intuition

If you get the sneaking feeling that a scene doesn't work, the pace is dragging, a point-of-view character won't be interesting enough to keep the reader's attention, etc.: sorry, but you're right.

Enlist the help of your first readers to diagnose the problem since they can give you a fresh view of the work. Don't try to prop the scene or character up, but look for the underlying problem and fix that. (I know, easier said than done.)

If the character is boring, then maybe you're using the wrong character as your point-of-view character or her actions are too predictable. If the pace is too slow, then maybe some of the information or description needs to be cut or moved to a new place. If the scene doesn't work, maybe it's because nothing really changes, no new questions are raised, or it lacks tension. Or maybe it's something else. Take courage and keep digging...

Writing Tidbits #6

Dialogue
Keep an eye out for unnatural sounding dialogue. This often occurs when two characters are talking over information primarily to inform the reader of that information. It also happens when the author is attempting to hide information from the reader that the characters know and are referring to in their dialogue. Have someone read over the dialogue to make sure it sounds natural.

On your final draft, read the whole story out loud. This will help you find too-long, awkward, and unnatural-sounding sentences.

Writing Tidbits #5

Withholding Information

If the point-of-view character knows something, then you must tell the reader that information when the character is thinking about it. Withholding "obvious" information only irritates the reader.

For example, I read a book were a point-of-view character is upset by "the green object"...and she knows what it is. Later, she actually handles it, yet she still thinks of it as "the green object." Near the end, we finally find out it is a green bikini bottom. The mystery would only have increased, not decreased, by giving this information from the start. I would even say that the reader should have known why the bikini bottom troubled her (since she would know). If this spoiled the tension of the story, then she shouldn't have been used as a point-of-view character.

The artificial withholding of information only weakens a tale. If you feel the need to do it, then something foundational isn't working in the story and the artificial withholding of information won't fix it.

Writing Tidbits #4

Tension

Several elements must be present in a story to effectively create tension:

First, something needs to be restricted: the character's knowledge (e.g. who is the killer, where my stalker, what made that sound in the brush, etc.), the amount of time to complete a task (e.g. this task has always taken me ten minutes, but now I only have 4 minutes!), freedom of movement (e.g. the killer is on this island, but there is no way off!), etc.

Second, a character needs to be realistically worried. If the characters aren't concerned or the concerns don't seem valid, then the reader will see no need to worry for them. If a character isn't concerned and the danger does hit, then, at the very least, the reader will think the character a fool for knowing there was danger and not taking any precautions.

The reader will probably be angry at the author if she implies that the reader doesn't need to worry and then kills a character they care about off.

Third, the reader needs to care about what happens to the character. If the reader doesn't like the character, then they might actually feel pleasure rather than fear when the character is in danger.

Tension also needs to build over several sentences, if not longer. If the twig snaps in one sentence and the deer dashes past in the next, then the reader barely has time to register he should be concerned by the time he realizes there was no real danger. The further ahead of time you can foreshadow danger and steadily build the worry, the greater the payoff when the danger does happen. Don't spend a lot of time foreshadowing a danger that isn't real, though.


For example, a woman gets in a car with a male friend, apologizes for the wet umbrella, and comments on the bad storm. There is dialogue between the two, some of it establishing that the man thinks the woman rather timid. Then the car skids a bit on a turn. The woman suggests putting the trip off, but the driver is confident of his car and his driving ability and wants to get this trip done. An argument happens about something else, and perhaps woman is so frightened of the storm that she swears never to let the driver take her anywhere again. Then they come to an old wooden bridge. The brown, fast-flowing water is swirling around the bridge supports only a foot below the surface of the bridge...

The reader will feel cheated if these two drive over the bridge without a problem and arrive without further trouble at their destination. If the car stalls on the bridge, the bridge shakes, but they just manage to get off the bridge safely, the pay-off will be there since the danger was realized. It also works if the bridge collapses while they're on it or right before they edge out onto it.

Also note that the scene wouldn't be nearly as tense if the storm had been mentioned only once, the characters had a pleasant discussion with no concern for the weather, and then suddenly the two were faced with the dangerous bridge.

Writing Tidbits #3

Telling, Showing, Implying

If the information is vital for understanding the story, then outright state it. ("She feared dogs.")

If the information is important but not vital, then show it in a scene. (Have a scene where the heroine screams and runs away when she sees a dog.)

If the information adds to the story but isn't important, then imply it. (When the stablegirl and prince are out walking, she notices they will pass close to the kennel, so she diverts their route towards the gardens.)

Writing Tidbits #2

Tension v.s. Surprise

Don't go for surprise over suspense/tension. If you are withholding information to create a surprise later, but it decreases the suspense up to that point in the story, then stop withholding information. Suspense always trumps surprise because suspense is what makes the reader continue reading to the end.

Likewise, twists in the story should never be surprising even if they are unexpected.

Writing Tidbits #1

"Writing Tidbits" are, in part, to remind me of important writing lessons I've learned. You may find I've sometimes overlooked applying them in my stories, but that's partly because those things don't come naturally to me. I'm writing these Tidbits on this blog in the hopes they may help other writers.

Increasing Tension

If a scene has potential danger, increase the tension for the characters by making them react as if the danger is present (even if you, as the author, know that they don't need to be afraid of the outcome). Don't overlook any opportunity to keep some level of tension in the story. Even if the character is oblivious to the danger, the reader needs to know that the danger is present.